It’s been a long holiday, and things haven’t been all rainbows and unicorns. I don’t want to start on a bad note, so I’m going to talk about the present first. Life is going smoothly and I think things are moving in a positive direction. I feel motivated after a long time (after ages) to do the things I really want to do. University will be back soon and I know that I’m ready to face the challenges that will come. Anyway, let’s get back to talking about before (to the darkness that comes before) and how I came to be where I am. I’d love to think that I am the master of my own destiny, but I’m more like a student. Each day and night I learn a little bit more about whom I am and how I fit in this big wide world.
Last semester at University had finally come to a close, and I knew that I had done well. I started to enjoy my free time and spent it relaxing. I also got a chance to finally catch up with people (that I really missed). I felt at ease, or at least I pretended to myself that I did. There was always something nagging the back of my mind but I just couldn’t quiet put together the pieces to figure out what. Maybe I did actually know, but I didn’t want to. I knew that there was one thing that seemed like a small issue but as time went on I realized that it was the core of feeling down. Numerous times people asked me what I was doing for University in 2012 and I had to tell them that I just didn’t know. I told them that I really wanted to figure that out but I had not come to a decision. I either wanted to do MicroBiology and Molecular Biology or Analytical Chemistry and Forensic Science as my extended major (I had decided I wanted to do computer science as a minor). I umed and ured and huffed and puffed. Nothing seemed to help me make my choice.
Last semester at University had finally come to a close, and I knew that I had done well. I started to enjoy my free time and spent it relaxing. I also got a chance to finally catch up with people (that I really missed). I felt at ease, or at least I pretended to myself that I did. There was always something nagging the back of my mind but I just couldn’t quiet put together the pieces to figure out what. Maybe I did actually know, but I didn’t want to. I knew that there was one thing that seemed like a small issue but as time went on I realized that it was the core of feeling down. Numerous times people asked me what I was doing for University in 2012 and I had to tell them that I just didn’t know. I told them that I really wanted to figure that out but I had not come to a decision. I either wanted to do MicroBiology and Molecular Biology or Analytical Chemistry and Forensic Science as my extended major (I had decided I wanted to do computer science as a minor). I umed and ured and huffed and puffed. Nothing seemed to help me make my choice.
About a month ago I just decided that I had to make a choice and no matter what I would follow my choice to the end. I went with the MicroBiology and Molecular Biology. As soon as I had made a choice, it was like a huge weight had been lifted off my chest. My life stopped feeling like some impending doom and it became something that words can’t explain. The moments in my life began to fit and I had an epiphany. Life can be frightening and it can be so hard to just make a simple choice but if you don’t:
Nothing will make the choice for you.
It might be too late and it’s made for you.
Though, if you take the plunge and pick an option:
You have nothing to lose.
You will finally feel the sweet release from the struggle in your mind.
You will learn acceptance (Accept that you control your own destiny by the choices you make).
You will learn that only you stand in the way of your progress by being a bystander.
That you can’t just watch life unfold because you are afraid to take control of the choices you make.
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