We all have feelings of regret. I don’t think there are many
people in life that can truly say that their life has been easy. That’s what it’s
like isn’t it. Growing up, and living. The pain that we feel during life. The
fond memories and the bad ones. To move past what has happened and become
something more. That’s what I’d like to do.
So many years of ingrained fear. To
cower when you would punch the wall. To cry when you would push me and I would
fall. To constantly beg for your love and receive your wraith and hatred of the
world instead. Maybe the reason I haven’t moved on is because I still fear you.
That you will find me and ruin the wonderful life that I have built. I don’t
think for a second that you would give a second thought if you found me. You would
try to take everything that I hold dear and crush it. Is that why I still
cringe? Is that why I flinch when I hear a loud noise?
That’s when I think to
myself, I must be prepared. That is the reason I chose to do wing chun. So that
one day, I won’t be afraid anymore. You will have no power over me. I know that
one day I will move past this. The reactions that I still have will one day go
away. When I really realize that I am worth it. When I stop hating myself for
those years I wasted with you. One day, nothing will stand in my way. I will
finally be able to say that I do not fear Michael Sobozinsky. That I won’t see
or hear you every time I see or hear
another man. That when I train and someone goes to hit me, I will block them
and counter punch. That no hand will ever hit me again. No words will scar my
heart again. This isn’t a dream. This just is. Nothing will stop the choice I
have made to be the best.
